i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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