either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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