I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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