The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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