she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
