Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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