i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
