the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
