tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
