I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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