I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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