i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize