Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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