She's JV to your varsity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
