There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
