He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
