Whod you bang
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
