My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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