You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize