I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
