I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
