it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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