You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
