Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
