She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
