I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
