member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
