Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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