I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
