this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
