The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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