Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
