Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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