I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize