my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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