Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
