we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
