I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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