"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
