True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
