My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
