remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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