Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
