Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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