Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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