when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
