He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
