So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
