definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
