I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
