I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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