Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
