it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I could fuck to npr.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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