You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
