he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
