be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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