it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
