remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
