We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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