Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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