i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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