Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
