Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
BRING THE BAGELS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
