I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
